Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
