I can text with my tongue
I don't think brook has ever known best
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
