On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
