My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
