remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
