The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
