And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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