He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
