areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
