Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
