I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
