i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
