My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
