Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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