dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
