At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
