you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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