we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
