She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
