There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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