two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
