last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i think my cat just said my name.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
