i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
