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I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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