Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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