I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
