I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
