Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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