there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
