I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
