Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
