Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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