you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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