It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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