OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Let's paint friendship bongs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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