it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
