And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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