if you like me you must not know who I am
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
