Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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