You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
