Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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