the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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