i think my tv is drunk
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
