What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
