Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
