The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
