worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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