so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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