3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
