I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
